Monday, March 9, 2009

The Love Dare...

So we watched the movie Fireproof a few weeks ago, since my sister-in-law recommended it. I thought it was such a great movie. It portrays marriage in a real way that you can relate to if you have been married for any length of time. Mainly how we become selfish, and intolerant of our spouse, and the negative things seem to become the focus instead of the positive things that we fell in love with. My kids got a kick out of the fact that I was in LOVE with Kirk Cameron as a young pre-teen. My walls were filled with his posters when he was on Growing Pains. Man, am I old!
After watching the movie, I decided to buy the book that goes along with it, called "The Love Dare". I bought it thinking it sounded like a fun idea, and though my marriage isn't on the brink--at this moment--(not to say we haven't been there at times in the last 15 years)--I thought it would give me some ideas to make my marriage stronger. Really, who couldn't use that? I started with the dare on Day 1--Try to say nothing negative to your spouse today--even if you have to hold your tongue. Wow--if any of you know much about me, you know that it's hard for me to hold my tongue on ANY occasion. This dare took me almost a week. I am so quick to speak, that my tongue got the best of me, even before I knew it many times. Man, am I ever negative toward my spouse. Much of my problem comes from sarcasm. Many times I will make a sarcastic comment, only to realize that it didn't quite come out the way I meant it--and many times it can be hurtful or rude. Todd is pretty good about letting it roll off his back, and to tell the truth, he is good at dishing it out sometimes as well, but I am realizing that it really isn't a healthy way to communicate with my spouse. I need to be more concerned about his feelings, and making him feel loved and respected when he's with me.
It's been almost 3 weeks since I got the book, and I was only on Day 5 as of this weekend, not much for following through--am I? Life gets busy, and I had put it on my bedside table, with my stack of 20 books I have been meaning to read, and it had been forgotten. Then I had a talk with one of my daughters that made me rethink The Love Dare. It seems her friend, that lives in my neighborhood has parents that are separated right now, and contemplating divorce. She was telling me how her dad is living in an apartment, and her mom doesn't even want to talk to him on the phone. They are constantly fighting, and her friend, who is caught in the middle of this mess, is just feeling horrible. Her life, and the lives of her siblings are about to be changed--forever. Her world is about to be shattered, because something happened to tear that marriage apart. Now, I don't know these people very well, so I don't know the circumstances surrounding their separation, or whether it will eventually end in divorce. What I do know, is that MY marriage is important to me. What I do know is that MY marriage isn't as strong as it could be, based just on Dare #1! What I do know is that I don't want MY children to have to live through an ugly, nasty divorce--or live with fighting and contention that comes from an unhealthy marriage.

Yesterday, I picked up the Love Dare and started again--this time with more of a determination to make it through the whole book. My marriage is worth working on for 40 days--and heaven knows, I can use the work! Guess what? Day 1 was a lot easier the second time around.

5 comments:

Erin said...

Way to go! I think a happy marriage is one of the best ways to show my kids I love them!

Real Mom, Real Life said...

I love this Tami -- what a great idea... We still need to watch the movie, but I have "issues" with Kirk Cameron.

Like you, my room was plastered with his posters. I was SO IN LOVE. I even wrote him a letter telling him that I would marry him -- once he got baptized of course.

Then when I was older, and the crush had far from worn off, I saw him in a show and had the shock of my life -- he looks EXACTLY like my brother!!! YUCK! Why didn't I see that before.

So, needless to say, I am not super excited to go see him in a movie.

But I hear it is a good one, so I may have to suck it up!

Natalie said...

Abby was telling us how good this movie was a couple of days ago. I guess we will have to check it out. The book sounds interesting too. A marriage is always worth working on even when things are going well.

Margaret said...

I plan on buying this book in a month and a half as we'll be starting to move into our new place .... watched the movie the weekend before Valentine's Day (literally 48 hours after our kids (at 14 months) flew to be with their grandparents) and wanted to get it .... and so much has happened since then .... at least things are looking up FINALLY for the better!! I wish you luck on your end!! I KNOW I could use it : )

Velma said...

Guess I will have to get the movie and watch it...my sis says it is good too, so Vesta must be tellin the truth, huh?! Sounds like a good book too. Wonder if they have it at the library..blockbuster time after vacation maybe.

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