Saturday, March 7, 2009

Torture by swimsuit...

Warning: This post is for women ONLY!Seriously, does anything make a woman feel worse about herself than trying on swimsuits??? We went to a few stores last night, and I decided to try on a few swimsuits for spring break, because I got some new board shorts, and I need a swimsuit to match. After my visit to the dressing room, I decided that I need to starve myself for a year or more before I try on another swimming suit. Oh, and 5 miles running isn't gonna cut it--we need to be doing 10 or 15! That's like some sort of sick torture for a mother to go into a dressing room, with 3 or 4 swimming suits. I'm not kidding when I say that I laughed out loud when I tried one of them on! It was freakin' hilarious! It was one of those popular new tankinis that has the tie around the neck, and the front plunged down almost to my belly button (maybe because I have no boobs--you found that out in the last post). Anyway, it split the girls in two and looked so ridiculous that I burst out laughing, almost to tears. Then I tried on a one piece, thinking it would at least look better than the two piece. Uh, wrong. The one pieces now are almost as revealing as a string bikini. The one I tried had like no back at all, and plunged down to where it almost showed my crack. I guess this is for all of those women with the beautiful tramp stamps that they want to show off--but trust me, the less of my back fat I show off to the world--the better! And can I say thank you, thank you, thank you a million times for the person who invented board shorts for women! Seriously, those things are the only reason I will even step out into the sun in a bathing suit. If you saw my ghostly white legs with my big green varicose veins (another wonderful thing I have because I'm a mother!) you would understand that the more of my thighs you cover up--the better!
The thing is, if you have been to the beach lately--you will see women that look WAY worse then me in those swimming suits--but they buy them anyway, and wear them with confidence. Every time we go to the beach I feel like such a prude. I mean when you see a woman over 300 pounds in a string bikini--strutting her stuff for the world to see, I wonder why I can't even bring myself to even take off my tank top? I guess that's where that crazy "modesty" idea comes in! Thank goodness!

4 comments:

Erin Allen said...

mother i know how you feel

Real Mom, Real Life said...

It really is torture isn't it? Trying to find something that isn't too high cut, too low cut and doesn't make me look fat??? Near impossible. Thank goodness for those little shorts. And skirts.

It still doesn't solve the problem of my ugly blue veins -- I serioulsy look like a mutatated something... bleck!

linnylou said...

try downeast has swinsuits that are long and more realistic to normal women's bodies... if you wanna try those out

Velma said...

Hate swimsuits now! My veins are starting to be looking alittle strange on my left leg...hummm. Hate get older!! can we turn back the clock of time, Please!!!Boo, hoo.

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