Monday, February 16, 2009

Would you just carry me?

Todd and I have been trying for the last few months to make some important decisions in our family. As many of you know, Todd sold his business last summer, and we have been trying to decide what to do now. It's an interesting time to figure out a new career. The economy is slow and just any business won't fly right now. Sometimes it's frustrating, trying to figure out what the Lord wants from us. When we were thinking of selling, it was not a descision we took lightly. In fact, it was a really stressful time, mostly because we didn't agree on what we should do, and it took months before he convinced me that this was what he REALLY wanted to do. He was burned out--it's a 24/7 business after all, and not the funnest thing to do, spend each day with families who are having the worst day of their lives. He was yearning for a change, and I wasn't ready for it. I'm not so great at change. I guess I just like continuity in my life--it makes me feel safe. Todd is more adventurous, he bores of the same-old thing, and if he wasn't married to someone boring like me, I'm pretty sure he would have lived in several states by now--maybe even different countries!
Now, we're in this place, and I know we're here for a reason. We're at a crossroads, yet again, and trying to decide what to do with our lives, and it's stressful. Did you ever pray for answers, and all you get is--well--NOTHING? That is where I feel like we are at right now. We have been trying to work some things out, make some decisions, and I keep praying to know what is right for our family, and I get nothing either way. You know when your toddler has just learned to walk, and you are so happy that they can get around on their own, and then they go through that phase where they just want to be held--ALL the time? And you're like--just walk! You're heavy--I don't want to hold you all the time! I've been thinking that's how the Lord feels about me right now. I feel like saying, "Would you just carry me? I don't want to walk on my own." I know that part of the plan is that I have my free agency. I know that the Lord doesn't command us in all things, and that if it were imperative that I NOT do something, he would let me know, but at the same time I wonder if He is proud of me, if I am making the right decisions for my family, for their future. I hope that we are doing what He wants us to do.
Don't get me wrong--I feel so blessed right now. I look around at so many people who are suffering right now, this economy has affected so many families, and so many lives. People all around us are hurting, and I am so grateful to be in the position that we are in right now. I know that is such a blessing, and I know that Heavenly Father is mindful of us in all that we do. I don't want to sound like I am complaining at all, I just want to know that I am doing the Lord's will, that I am following His plan for me, that's all. Sometimes, I guess we just have to show God that we can walk on our own, and then, if we are faithful, He will carry us when He needs to.

5 comments:

ASHLEY ELDER said...

I know that things will work out for your family...you will look back and see that he was telling you what to do but not in the way you might have noticed real easy. I can totally understand Todd not wanting to do that career anymore, I hope he finds something else that he is happy doing! Good luck!!

ASHLEY ELDER said...

By the way, you still have my old blog...here is my new one http://1boyn3girls.blogspot.com/

Tawni said...

I didn't hear about Todd saleing his business. That sounds stressful! Good luck to you guys!
We have been lucky so far too, and I hope and pray that continues, because any day, it could stop, you know.

Real Mom, Real Life said...

Hang in there Tami... I would want to be carried too. Sometimes it is frustrating to feel like your prayers are getting exactly as far as the ceiling. But I guess that is when faith sees us through. We have to keep believing that the Lord does here us. And I am positive he hears you. Just keep doing what you are doing and I am sure that one day you will look back and realized He really was carrying you this whole time.

Love you!!!

Erin said...

We have been in "that place" for about a year or more. No fun is the only way to describe it. I have received the nothing answers when I prayed and it is really hard to deal with. I hope things come together for you soon .

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