Thursday, May 27, 2010

Torture by Swimsuit...

A rerun from last year...but this year I still feel the same way!  Even with all the working out, trying on swimsuits for summer just sucks!  UGH!
Warning: This post is for women ONLY!
Seriously, does anything make a woman feel worse about herself than trying on swimsuits??? We went to a few stores last night, and I decided to try on a few swimsuits for spring break, because I got some new board shorts, and I need a swimsuit to match. After my visit to the dressing room, I decided that I need to starve myself for a year or more before I try on another swimming suit. Oh, and 5 miles running isn't gonna cut it--we need to be doing 10 or 15! That's like some sort of sick torture for a mother to go into a dressing room, with 3 or 4 swimming suits. I'm not kidding when I say that I laughed out loud when I tried one of them on! It was freakin' hilarious! It was one of those popular new tankinis that has the tie around the neck, and the front plunged down almost to my belly button (maybe because I have no boobs--you found that out in the last post). Anyway, it split the girls in two and looked so ridiculous that I burst out laughing, almost to tears. Then I tried on a one piece, thinking it would at least look better than the two piece. Uh, wrong. The one pieces now are almost as revealing as a string bikini. The one I tried had like no back at all, and plunged down to where it almost showed my crack. I guess this is for all of those women with the beautiful tramp stamps that they want to show off--but trust me, the less of my back fat I show off to the world--the better! And can I say thank you, thank you, thank you a million times for the person who invented board shorts for women! Seriously, those things are the only reason I will even step out into the sun in a bathing suit. If you saw my ghostly white legs with my big green varicose veins (another wonderful thing I have because I'm a mother!) you would understand that the more of my thighs you cover up--the better!

The thing is, if you have been to the beach lately--you will see women that look WAY worse then me in those swimming suits--but they buy them anyway, and wear them with confidence. Every time we go to the beach I feel like such a prude. I mean when you see a woman over 300 pounds in a string bikini--strutting her stuff for the world to see, I wonder why I can't even bring myself to even take off my tank top? Where does the confidence come from?  And don't even get me started on the fat guy in a speedo!  Even a teenager--with ripped abs can't usually pull off a Speedo!  YUCK!  (possible exception...Michael Phelps...)  !  So when I come home from the beach, and still have quite the farmer's tan--I guess you understand why.  That's where that crazy "modesty" idea comes in and quite literally saves me from being humiliated...or ending up on some "awkward beach photos" website somewhere--oh, I should totally start that--I could make a ton of money making fun of people on the beach!  HA!  Stay tuned...

1 comment:

Sarah Williams said...

I have a little secret. I wear SUPER bold ridiculous bikinis under my board shorts and rashguard. I laugh out loud everytime I put it on. They are more comfortable than a one piece though and easier to go to the bathroom. NO ONE would ever see these in public
(all of the reasons stated above- in your blog) but I have a fun time with it. I never spend more than $4 on them. My latest has peace signs and neon stripes.

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