Saturday, March 13, 2010

Change...

I'm not one who's very good at change.  In fact, I stink at it.  I rather enjoy things staying the same, so I can deal with them.  I like to have the same routine--take the laundry for instance...I do 8 loads a week, (usually on Monday) darks, followed by colors, followed by whites, followed by towels.  I never change the order--I never mix it up.  It works for me, it's comfortable, it's my routine.  Todd is the opposite--as spouses sometimes tend to be.  (I don't know why that is, I guess to balance a marriage out?)  He LOVES change...he thrives on it.  He gets bored with the same old thing, and wants to try new things.  He is constantly thinking of new ideas, new ways to challenge himself, new things he wants to do or try.  Sometimes in our marriage, this presents a challenge.  The last few years the change has been regular and constant.  We sold our business--one we worked for 10 years to build, moved to a new house, in a new ward, in a new school district--which ruffled everyone's feathers a bit, traveled--a LOT, to places we have always wanted to go, and spent WAY more time together than anytime in the last 16 years of marriage.  Now, with our new business, comes another change--and can I tell you that the craziness of starting a new business is starting to hit our family?  HARD.  The last few weeks have been a whirlwind.  Signing the lease, getting the store set up and remodeled, trying to deal with shipments, and inventory, and getting a computer system, and phone lines, and decorating, and paint, and shelves, and mirrors, and glass, and banners, and signs, and on and on.  Todd has been so excited and so busy that we have hardly seen him much of the last few weeks!  While I am so excited for this new opportunity, it has also caused more than a little fear and trepidation, and stress over here.  You see, we have done this all before.  I know what it takes to start a new business, and get it up and running, and make it profitable.  It takes WORK--and BLOOD-- and SWEAT--and more than a few TEARS (most of them shed my ME)!  It takes long hours, and late nights, and sacrifice, from both of us to make it work.  Most of all it takes dedication--and can I tell you how dedicated my husband is when he sets his mind to something?  He is an amazingly hard worker--and when he sets a goal, there is no stopping him, he will work as much and as hard as he needs to in order to reach it.  I love that about him--it's one of the reasons I married him, he has a fire, and a determination to accomplish great things.  So why has it been so hard the last few weeks?  One word.  CHANGE.  Our life is changing, once again.  There will be a new routine, a new schedule, a new focus.  For some, this might come easily--but for me, it is hard.  I tend to fight it--and I have been--trust me.  I have been frustrated, and stressed out, and on edge.  I have been hard to deal with, and stubborn, and impatient.  I am just struggling to find my place amongst these changes once again, and my poor husband has to deal with my craziness--along with everything else on his plate.  The worst thing is, I have made him feel like I am mad at him (which I have been for various reasons--some of which were legit--), but most of all, I am going crazy because I feel like I am going to be losing him for awhile.  Not in a literal sense of course, but I have rather enjoyed having him around the last year.  He is sure fun to be with.   He is my favorite workout buddy, (even at 5 a.m.), he is my favorite person to eat lunch with, he is my favorite person to watch You Tube videos of Jim Gaffigan or Brian Regan with, he is so patient with me and the kids, he loves to do dishes (no really, he does them all the time), he is so much better than I am at getting the kids to do things, like read scriptures or pray (you already know from a few posts ago that no one in this house listens to me when I say things), he is even my favorite skiing buddy.  He is my favorite person to diet with (mostly because we sabotage eachother all the time--and that is the best kind of diet), and my favorite person to talk politics with (because he loves to play devil's advocate--just to drive me crazy) but he usually agrees with me in the end (so he doesn't have to endure endless hours of debate, and so we can stay married).  He is the funnest person to talk to, because still to this day after 16 years of marriage I CANNOT tell when he is telling the truth--or messing with me.  He can still fool me, and get me all fired up about something--(like politics...).  He knows what I like, and what makes me happy, and will bring home a Sonic soda, or chocolate, or onion rings at just the right time, on just the right day.  Most of all he can look past my faults (and there are too many to list here...) and love me in spite of me being me.  He is an amazing father, and an amazing husband, and my best friend.  I'm not sure how I ever got so lucky to have him in my life--but I am grateful every day.  And I will miss him.  This change will be hard to get used to at first, like all changes are--but life will go on, and I will establish a new routine, and it will be OK--it will just take some getting used to.  Todd, I want you to know that I will be behind you, and you will always have my support--even when it's hard.  I can't promise you I won't be difficult--because I have always been difficult--but let's face it, you love me that way, it keeps you on your toes.  And who knows, someday I might enjoy all of this change as much as you do--maybe I'll even find a way to get better at it.  Hmmm...Monday, maybe I'll wash the whites first--just to mix things up.   Yikes...

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