Thursday, June 16, 2011

Oceanside...

“The cure for anything is salt water -
sweat, tears, or the sea.”
--Isak Dinesen

This week, we are in Oceanside, just about my favorite place on Earth.  The kids are having a blast.  We are here with about 20 of their cousins, and they are trying to have "quiet feet", and "inside voices", so as not to bother the other guests at our little resort.  Truth be told, I don't bother much telling my kids to be quiet--we are on a vacation for crying out loud.  People can deal with my noisy children.  Childhood is about fun, and certainly vacations are about fun, and if I ever become an old stuffy adult, who can't handle a gleeful child running down a breezeway, or screaming out in joy after seeing their cousin, (who they haven't seen in a whole--5 minutes!), then just whack me upside the head and knock some sense into me!  For the life of me, I can't understand why it bothers people when children make "happy noise".  Obnoxious, screaming, tantrum noise--I can understand--but "happy noise", like the noise children make on vacation, or at the beach, is a joy to hear, and we all should appreciate it. We all know, before long, we have to grow up--and those "happy noises" are way too few and far between.  Believe me, this week there has been no shortage of "happy noises"--and I am glad to hear them!  It means my children are making memories, and having fun, and feeling joy for life--and that is the point of vacation!

Something about a beach vacation, about this place, soothes me.  There hasn't been much peace of late in my life, but something about being here brings peace to my heart--always has.  The ocean waves, crashing both day and night are comforting, and constant.  It's what I miss most about my former life.  The constant--the familiar.  I am a creature of habit--that's for sure.  We were laughing the other day, when Katie took the kids on a bike ride, and went a little further down the road we have been going down for the 18 years we have been coming to this same resort, and found a new little harbor, with new shops and restaurants, and new sights and sounds.  She ventured down an unknown road--and was pleasantly surprised.  Who knew?  For all the years we have been coming here, we have the same routine.  Same traditions, same places to visit.  For me, it is familiar, and comforting.  It is hard for me to try new things, to step out of my comfort zone, to be adventurous.  Why does that have to be such a challenge for me?  I think that' s why the last year has been the hardest.  So many people say that we have to embrace our challenges, make the best of our situation, make the most of change.  I feel like I've tried to do just that--really, I've tried.  I don't really feel like it's working though.  Rather, I feel like someone who has been tossed upon the sea, tumbled by the waves, over and over, and just as I am trying to get my head above water, another wave hits. Am I enjoying the swim?  No!  Truth be told, I'm ready for the lifeguard to throw me the ring & get me the heck out of the water!  LIFEGUARD--where are you?

Some people were made for change--made for the unknown--made for adventure.  Some people are spontaneous, and daring, and thrive on a new challenge.  I am not one of those people.  Never have been--and even though I've tried really hard to embrace the changes that have been thrust on me--I'm pretty sure I never will be.  Just like the ocean waves will continue to crash through the night--constant and true--I will continue to wish away the change, so I can return to my boring, uneventful life. Certainly, that is wishful thinking--my life is nowhere close to returning to the normal that we once knew--and even if it did, I'm not sure I am the person I once was.  I have some healing to do, some forgiving to do, most of all some soul searching to do to work out why all of this had to happen the way it did.  But for this week, I have returned to this beautiful place--a place that is familiar, and constant--a place where I can forget my challenges, and be free and relaxed--and that is exactly the break that I needed.

After all, I'm sure my problems will all still be there when we get home...

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