Friday, April 8, 2011

Going back in TIME...

Remember this scene in Napoleon Dynamite?  The time machine?  Uncle Rico says, "Because if we had a time machine...you better believe things would have been different.  We'd have gone pro in a heartbeat.  We'd be making millions of dollars and living in a big 'ol mansion somewhere...soaking it up in a hot tub with our soul mate."  Classic...

Ever wish you could go back and have a re-do?  Because I have... many times!  This last year, though, I have wished we could go back in time more than a few times and change the past.  It just seems like ever since we made the choice to sell our business, our path was unalterably changed--and we will never be the same again.  Don't get me wrong.  I am not saying that we made a WRONG choice.  We sold the business after much prayer and fasting.  We sold because we wanted to get out from under a ton of business debt, and start fresh.  We sold because we thought that we got a good price, at a good time, and we thought we were dealing with honorable, hard working businessmen who would keep up the business, and not run it into the ground.  We sold because Todd was tired of the 24/7 nature of the funeral business, tired of the depressing days, tired of dealing with the death, the sadness, and tired of missing many important events in our children's lives.  When you dedicate yourself to the funeral business, as Todd did, it consumes your life, and your time, and he was just a little burned out.  We looked forward to new opportunities, and a new future.  When we got the money from the real estate--we knew we had money coming for the business part of the deal for the next 5 years...so we went to work paying off debt.  It felt GREAT to be out of debt except for our house, Todd's truck (which was 0% financed), and our boat! We felt fabulous about our decisions, and the next year, we decided to use the money to pay almost half of our mortgage down when we bought our new house (a great deal on a short sale).  Running the numbers, we were planning on being DEBT FREE (including our homes, since we were renting out our other home) in 3 years, and by the end of the note we carried for our buyers, we would have a great retirement nest egg as well.  This was even if Todd didn't have another job--which we planned fully on him having. 


It didn't work out how we hoped it would.  Year two, they missed their first large quarterly payment--and then convinced us to let them make small monthly payments while they tried to get an SBA loan so they could pay us off in full (load of crap).  Then, at the end of this year--payments stopped altogether, and we are now paying a lawyer to try to get the business back (which is taking FOREVER).  And seriously, it seems like EVERY decision we have made since that ONE decision has taken us completely downhill.  We just can't seem to get back on the right track!  The new home we bought needed some remodeling, and we could have taken out a line of credit, but we chose to pay cash since we didn't want to create anymore debt.  The house we left had renters, at first, but they ended up getting a divorce, leaving us paying two mortgages, then Bank of America took over our home loan, and raised our payment--even though they never have been able to produce the actual loan documents to show us where it says they can do that.  It is now in the process of a short sale--the people are paying fully HALF of what we paid for the house.  The new business we started, Old Jerusalem Treasures was a big BOMB.  Turns out, olive wood from Israel, is much more appealing to people--ummm...in Israel!  We really thought people would LOVE it!  But I think when you are over there, you are just so caught up in the fascination of that place--that you spend more on a momento then you would if you were shopping at home.  People would comment all the time that things were BEAUTIFUL--and so NEAT.  But when it came down to it, they would leave the store empty handed not wanting to pay that much for something that we had paid A LOT for. Todd has been trying to find a job--but the job market sucks (thanks Obama) haha--no really, it's just very competitive out there--hard to stand out.  We have the house on the market--in the worst market EVER in the history of housing markets in Arizona.  We will be lucky to get back what we paid for this house on a short sale--losing the TON of money we spent to remodel it. (And that's if we even get anyone in here to LOOK at it in this crappy market).  So at this point--can you understand how it's HARD to make any more decisions based on our track record??  In fact, we feel like George Costanza in Seinfeld where he decides that his life is completely the opposite of what it should be--and that every decision he has ever made is the wrong one.  Jerry tells him: “if every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right”! I think sometimes there is some truth to that!

So where to go from here?  Who knows.  There is no going back in time...we see how well it worked for Rico!  I don't wanna try that time machine!  That being said--it's easy to see how one decision, sometimes even what seems like a good decision, made with the best of intentions can affect your life in a profound way.  Because I have faith in a loving and kind Heavenly Father, I also know that ALL of these experiences, each and every one, as we read in one of the most powerful sections of scripture ever written, D&C 122, "shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good".  In these verses, some of the worst things that could ever be imagined are mentioned, and He doesn't say SOME--He says ALL of them will be for our good.  It's hard to see, with limited vision, and limited faith, how some of these things are going to work for my good--but at the same time, I am learning to more fully rely on, and trust in my Heavenly Father.  I am understanding, at least in a beginning way, what the Atonement means in my life, and what my Savior did for me, so that He can carry my burdens, and lift my spirits.  I am falling more often to my knees in prayer than ever before, and searching my scriptures more diligently to try to find answers and know God's will for me, and for my family.  I have found myself at the temple more often, listening for inspiration, and pleading for comfort.  I have felt the prayers of family members in our behalf, and had amazing friends who have not only comforted me in my sorrows, but have cried with me as they have offered their support. In that way, I can see how these trials are working for our good--and how when I look back on them (even though it may take a LONG time), I will be grateful for them, and for what I learned from them. 

I found this quote--which I loved this week:  (part of the reason for this lengthy post...)

“One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”

I have to tell you--my present IS beautiful.  I have an amazing husband, who LOVES me, I have beautiful children, who TEACH me every day.  I have family who CARE about me.  I have too many blessings to count!  Here's to living in the present!  It truly is a gift...

2 comments:

Erin said...

I love you Tami! You are doing exactly what you should be doing and things will work out! I know what you mean about not knowing how to make a decision...we are there with ya! Keep hanging on friend!

Heatherly said...

You are not alone... Remember the darkest hour is always the best time to see the stars. <3

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